Even though I feel like a misfit in my current job, if nothing else then I've surely learnt the importance of self-sufficient in the past 16 months. I constantly try my best to maintain a work & life balance - else what is the difference between a human and a robot..
But in the last few days, I switched off my cellphone that's constantly ringing from office calls, I'm taking permissions to work from home, I have drank 7 cups of coffee from morning, skipping most of the meals in the week, scratching the paint from the wall, digging the pain in my chest deeper to see where did I go wrong? Or if at all Did I go wrong? Letting my train of thoughts to console me somehow. Once again broke down into tears today also, even after several times, all the advices from people around me eating up my head, for they believe I'm in a bad place, I'm depressed, anxious, all fancy stupid terms they call on me, as easily used as a hashtag... No I'm not, I'm not sad or angry, but confused. If 20's are allowed to be confused,yes I am, with all sorts of ups and downs, hit and trial but never giving up. Just a journey to set out to find what I'm supposed to do. Because What a woman goes through is not as easy or complicated but as intense as the phase of a moon. It is in the choice of where to find my answer? Have I failed with maintaining my relationship part, so Should I take the night flight to kiss him finally to feel complete or go wander in the Hills,which I mostly do when I feel no reason to exist. What will find me the nameless thing that I'm searching, of nowhere? What will fill my pockets, so that I will leave home calmly? Dear self, you are not at a bad place, you are just not settling for what doesn't fill your heart with joy. Go beyond horizons, go fearless,unveil the child in you, jump over the wall, catch it like a dragon tail and bring it back. However hard it is bring it back!
But in the last few days, I switched off my cellphone that's constantly ringing from office calls, I'm taking permissions to work from home, I have drank 7 cups of coffee from morning, skipping most of the meals in the week, scratching the paint from the wall, digging the pain in my chest deeper to see where did I go wrong? Or if at all Did I go wrong? Letting my train of thoughts to console me somehow. Once again broke down into tears today also, even after several times, all the advices from people around me eating up my head, for they believe I'm in a bad place, I'm depressed, anxious, all fancy stupid terms they call on me, as easily used as a hashtag... No I'm not, I'm not sad or angry, but confused. If 20's are allowed to be confused,yes I am, with all sorts of ups and downs, hit and trial but never giving up. Just a journey to set out to find what I'm supposed to do. Because What a woman goes through is not as easy or complicated but as intense as the phase of a moon. It is in the choice of where to find my answer? Have I failed with maintaining my relationship part, so Should I take the night flight to kiss him finally to feel complete or go wander in the Hills,which I mostly do when I feel no reason to exist. What will find me the nameless thing that I'm searching, of nowhere? What will fill my pockets, so that I will leave home calmly? Dear self, you are not at a bad place, you are just not settling for what doesn't fill your heart with joy. Go beyond horizons, go fearless,unveil the child in you, jump over the wall, catch it like a dragon tail and bring it back. However hard it is bring it back!
